When Saying Yes Feels Heavy

Lately, many people have been noticing how hard it can be to say no. Not because they don’t care, but because they care so much about how others might feel. A parent. A friend. A coworker. Even someone they don’t know very well.

So they say yes. They do what’s asked. They move on.

And later, something feels off. There might be irritation, tightness, or a quiet sense of anger, sometimes toward the other person, sometimes toward themselves. It can be confusing, especially when everything looked fine on the surface.

For some people, this pattern has been around for a long time. It often grows in places where being helpful, agreeable, or “easy” felt important for staying connected. Over time, saying yes can start to feel safer than pausing to ask, What do I actually want right now?

When this happens repeatedly, resentment can build, not because you’re unkind, but because parts of you keep getting set aside. That’s often what people mean when they talk about feeling disconnected from themselves.

Learning to say no doesn’t mean becoming selfish or uncaring. It usually means learning a new kind of honesty, one that includes you, too. And for many people, that’s something they were never given much practice with.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not doing something wrong. You’re responding in a way that once helped you belong. The work, gently, is learning that you don’t have to disappear in order to stay connected.

It’s okay to take yourself into account.